Why do I care? Online Dating & Anxiety

Recently someone I liked, thought that I jumped into bed with someone else as soon as he had ended something  well in reality it was nothing to end.  This hurt but I don’t know why? Why do I care what he or anyone else thinks. I know that I didn’t sleep with someone else that quickly, I know that I am not like that. He doesn’t need to know, so why did I apologise for him thinking that.  Why did it hurt that he thought that of me? Even if I did jump into bed with someone else, he had ended it, he had ignored me for almost two weeks before drunk snapchatting me at 3am, it shouldn’t have made any difference to him.

This guys barely knew me, knew nothing of my past and I hadn’t opened up about past relationships, but he still felt the need to judge me.  I don’t know why I let myself get into these situations. I cried over this judgement for a week, I ended up going to bed early every day and just cried my eyes out.  I even explained that he had hurt me but this didn’t make any difference as he didn’t even apologise for what he had said. I think even drunk at 3am, I wouldn’t want to hurt someone who I had been getting close to.

I wish, during the short time that we spent together, I had opened up more. I wish I had told him more about the anxiety, depression and how dark life can be sometimes. Maybe then he would have been able to understand the way I acted when he ended it.  Again, there was nothing really to end. Nothing had begun. It may have changed the way he judged me, even a throw away comment is something which I will spend hours over thinking and worrying about.

Sometimes, I wish I could be that girl who can just get over someone so quickly and even sleep with someone just to make the pain so away. I can’t. I am not like that and however, hard I try or wish I will not be that girl. In the long run, I will be happier that I am not like that and I think when I eventually find someone who is worth spending the rest of my life with, they will appreciate the fact that I am not like that.

For now, I will stop explaining myself and will start concentrating on me and my needs! I will not let myself get worked up with the fact that someone thinks I am not good enough for them or that they think I may be too loyal or too needy. I can only be myself and one day I hope that someone will appreciate it.

Love, Minnie x



Turning 27 and Online Dating….

Hello again,

So, I have been off this blog for a while. I had that relationship breakdown with my ex-boyfriend and I really wasn’t in a great place. I am much better now and have so much to say.  I am not going to pretend that the last few months have been easy because they haven’t. Work, life, relationships have been tough.

I have however, been dating. It has taught me a lot about myself and things which maybe I need to work on after having been in a long-term relationship but it has also shown me how awful people can be. I downloaded Tinder quickly after becoming single and have various conversations on there. I have however, met three guys in person and this is what happened.

  1. Met for a drink in London, he made it clear that he was going away that week for 2 months but if we got on we could keep in touch. The date was super quick but we did get on and we did keep in touch…. for a while. I guess him being away was hard when you don’t actually know someone.  He is however, back in London now and a second date is on the cards.  I am not sure whether this will go anywhere but he seems like a nice guy.
  2. I was seeing this guy for a couple of weeks, I stayed over his a few times but it was clear that he wasn’t over his ex or had some other issues.  He lost his job and said that he wasn’t in a good place so we stopped talking.  A month later he did actually text me and see if I fancied a catch up over a coffee but I think the spark has really gone now.  I think he used me a bit and I don’t think even a coffee would make me see otherwise, not yet anyway.  He also had some kind of issue with exercise and eating which isn’t great for my personality.
  3. The third guy I was seeing for a month-ish and I think when he called it off it hurt the most. We did get on really well and I felt that he was keen for something more although I wasn’t really going to push for the same, happy to take things slow.  We went on a few dates and he was staying over almost every other night.  I then ended up being rushed into hospital and staying four nights. He still text me every day and on Saturday, we made plans for Sunday, relaxed Christmas shopping etc.  He then snapped what he was looking at for my birthday [as it is actually today] he went to a gig that night, text me a bit and even said ‘goodnight beautiful’. Sunday morning I was getting ready and received a text out of the blue cancelling our plans and saying that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.  I was completely shocked as it was him making all the plans etc.  It hurt. It hurt a lot and therefore, the no contact rule kind of didn’t work and I did send a couple of texts which he isn’t going to ever reply too.  Monday night he sent me a snapchat asking if I was okay and saying sorry again. He didn’t reply after that and has now deleted me off snapchat.  I have no idea what could have changed overnight nor how I could have believed everything he said.  I think that is what I am struggling with the most – the lack of closure.  I have decided to delete his number so I can no longer see when he is online and of course, I know I am better than that and deserve so much more. He hasn’t even text me today to wish me a happy birthday.  I just can’t help but think that this may be a repetative thing with online dating but at 27 it is not easy to meet people.

Have you had any luck with online dating?

Love, Minnie x

What I overcame to become a Solicitor

I still have to pinch myself when I realise I am a Solicitor and I have been for over a year now. I was never the most academic at school and I was written off by most teachers while I was at primary school.  My mind didn’t really work as it should and although I could always read above my age group, I found writing and times tables so difficult.  My parents were always very supportive and I had personal tutors in the evening to help with school work so I didn’t fall behind and though I hated it at the time, it really did help.

Towards the end of primary school my parents enrolled me in the DORE programme which at the time I absolutely hated. I had to go every 6 weeks for different assessments to check progress and every day I had to do different exercises.  I did this programme for 20 months and I progressed so much.  My school work improved as did my dance ability and hand eye coordination.  I honestly do not believe I would have had the ability to pass my driving test if it wasn’t for this programme.  Unfortunately, not many people believed in its success and it closed down.

The only thing which the DORE programme did not help with was my motivation to succeed.  I had no interest in school work at all during secondary school and then I actually ended up missing a year due to illness and depression. My doctors were amazing and actually pushed me without medication to return to school.  I sat my GCSE’s and although I didn’t do great and actually walked out of one of them, I passed them all and did better than some people who hadn’t missed any school.

This was my turning point, I left the school I was at and decided to do A Levels at a local vocational college.  My predicted grades were EEE and no one had much hope for University.  I was so motivated at this point that my AS January grades were coming back with A’s and B’s and I even achieved full marks in several exams.  During this period, I managed to re-take some of my GCSE’s to improve the grades and applied to University. Despite wanting to be a midwife and attending interviews for the same, I actually realised that it was law I was passionate about studying, albeit I had no intention to become a Lawyer.  I could thank my A Level Law tutor every day for what she taught me during the two years and for the fact that she never gave up on me.

I didn’t tell anyone about my dyslexia during my A Levels and it stayed this way through University.  I did not let it hold me back and although it is still with me, I have found methods of coping.

Moving away from home at 18 was scary but University was the best experience of my life. I was so lucky that I made friends with whom we could push and encourage each other as necessary.   I was so motivated during my time as a Undergratudate and I often achieved the top mark in the class for a piece of coursework or for a whole module.  My second year grades were all first class marks and I was so pleased with myself. I knew I just had to carry on for a year and I would get a first class degree.

Unfortunately, my third year was no how I planned it to be.  My uncle who had been battling a brain tumor for 18 months sadly passed away. I had to take time off to attend the funeral and this was hard.  Three weeks after the funeral my dad was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer, I didn’t tell anyone except close friends.  Luckily at my University you have three weeks off for Easter,  I managed to complete my dissertation and all outstanding coursework in the first week in readiness for my dads pending surgery.  The surgery was a big 10 hour operation and there was so much risk involved that we did were unsure whether he would survive but he did!  He was intensive care for about a week afterwards.  It was during this week, I had to go back to University to sit my final exams.  This was probably the hardest thing that I have ever done and I am surprised I managed it.  It was only after the final exam that I told a tutor about my dad. It was also the day we were told that the operation had been successful and he didn’t need any more treatment.  I am so proud of my dad, he goes through so much every day but he is so grateful to be alive.

I then graduated with first class honours which I didn’t think would be possible, graduated Law School one mark away from a distinction (which wasn’t bad considering I had such an active social life during the exam period) and moved to London. I had several jobs which although I didn’t like taught me so much about London life and being a solicitor before, eventually obtaining my Training Contract and qualifying.

I wish I could tell my 14-year-old self to work harder but in reality I would just tell her that it doesn’t really matter what you do at school, everything works out the way it is supposed to. I believe that more than ever at this stage in my life….

Love, Minnie x 


So… I got my first tattoo [Monday Motivation]

Eleanor Roosevelt said that you should do one thing every day that scares you and I have been trying to do this since becoming single…

This weekend was no exception and I decided that I would get my first tattoo.  It is tiny and it is on my ribs next to my boob so will only really be seen on holidays but why did I do it?

I have always thought of getting a tattoo but I knew my parents didn’t like them.  My ex boyfriend had so many tattoos and although I loved them, I didn’t want people to think that I was only getting one because he had them or that he pushed me into it.  As you will know we have been apart now a whole month and because I have been going through such a hard time I decided that I would just do it.

I managed to persuade my Mum to come with me, which I was grateful for and she actually almost physically pushed me through the door when I nearly backed out.  The tattoo place was pretty busy but one of the guys managed to fit me in before his first appointment.  He explained what he was going to do and checked that I was happy with the design and the placing and then he just did it.  He also explained how long it would take and that he did the outline thicker than the design as it can be caught on bras etc. He told me to take my bra off which was a little bit strange as I then the whole day out without a bra, but it was liberating.

I was so worried that it would hurt… that has been my biggest fear of them for so long.  I also heard that the ribs would be painful and my ribs do stick out a lot. However, I didn’t really feel a thing. This may have been because it was so small and quick but I was surprised at how little it did hurt.

I feel sorry for my friends that have received photos of my boobs over the weekend but I think that it is so cute and I cannot wait to see it when I am in a bikini on holiday.

Love Minnie x 

heart tattoo




ps. I am aware that the picture isn’t great but I didn’t want to reveal too much. I will get someone to take a better photo for me in the next couple of weeks.

Current Favourites

I meant for this post to go live during the last week of August and as it was already half completed, I decided that I would post it anyway just not as an August favourites but as a current one.  August was the weirdest month for me so I don’t think I actually discovered much new stuff. I will also apologise for the lack of photos but you can see my post here which explains my mind-set at the moment.


Colgate Max White One Toothpaste

I am so fussy when it comes to toothpaste but I absolutely love this one.  There isn’t too much to say about it except that it foams in the mouth nicely (yes, that does sound weird) and my teeth feel so clean after using it. I am not sure on whether it actually does whiten your teeth but it is a good buy and only £4.00 although I am sure I got mine on offer. I think that this is a toothpaste which I will be purchasing again when this tube runs out.

Collection Invisible Powder

This makes my makeup look 100% times better. My skin looks matte and perfect when this is applied on top of foundation.  It is really light weight and you cannot actually tell that anything has been applied over makeup. I am really enjoying this at the moment and when I went away for the night at the weekend and forgot it, I felt so naked.  I wasn’t sure on this when I first ordered it but I am so glad that it is good.


Rose Water Toner

I bought this as it jumped out at me in Superdrug and I love it.  I use it every night just before I get into bed to ensure that my face is clean and I wake up with super soft skin.  I can’t imagine this not being part of my skin care routine now. It smells so good too.



I have always loved Sudocream but hadn’t had to use it for ages.  I did however, have a pretty bad breakout period at the beginning of August and this came in so handy.  I just covered the bad breakouts, woke up in the morning and my skin was almost clear (OK, maybe not, but not too bad).   I recommend always having a tub of this stuff handy.

Friction Free Razor 

I first saw this as one of those annoying adverts on Facebook tempting you to purchase stuff that you don’t really need but it did grab me.  So you pay £9.00 per month and they send you a razor and four blades each month.  The idea is that you can use each razor blade for a week and then simply swap it for a new one.  I am so lazy when it comes to shopping for razors so having this come straight to my door is super handy.  It also prevents your razors getting dirty as they are replaced.  You can cancel or pause the subscription at any time which is also good, in case you do forget to replace the blades each week and have to many.IMG_2827

13 Reasons Why

Ok, so I didn’t pick the best time in my life to watch one of the most depressing shows I have ever seen but I did enjoy it.  I won’t give too much away but it is worth a watch (not if you are in a really low place) but it does make you realise that the way you treat people can make such a difference to their life.  You never know what someone is going through so you shouldn’t judge them or be mean to them.

Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte 

It has taken me a while to read this due to different factors but I finally finished it this week and I will do a whole book review soon, I promise.  I loved it… I feel that it was probably the best book I have ever read, the story was great and so well written.  It was my first Bronte and I have already ordered some more.  I always stock up on books so I need to get through the growing pile I have before reading the next one. I defiantly recommend this.

What are your current favourites?

Love, Minnie x 




I am now single – and it’s ok

I was with Mike, my now ex-boyfriend for four years.  I honestly believe that we were happy for the most part however, we really did find that we wanted different things.  I have set up a whole life in Hertfordshire, I have a rented flat which I am currently trying to purchase, a job in London and I am settled.  Despite considering a move back to Norfolk, I honestly don’t believe that it would be the right thing for me.  Mike, is really trying to find out who he is.  He wants to go travelling, doesn’t want marriage or kids and isn’t into building a career where you have to work 12 hours a day.  The end of our relationship was almost predicted at some point but why did it hurt so much?

I have come out of longer relationships in the past but this breakup I found particularly difficult.  I had time off work and disppeared to Norfolk for a bit to try and recover.  It was (and still is to a degree) hard.  I find the thought of someone who you spend every moment of your time with, texting, speaking, thinking of becoming a stranger so hard. I find that when I have good news I want to tell Mike and when I am sad I want him to make everything ok.  I live alone and have done for a while but it is that time alone I am now finding the most difficult, before, he would know what I was doing and send me texts if I needed company but now it is just me and my empty flat.

I have spent the past few weeks reflecting on my life and I am stronger than I ever imagined, I managed to go back to work, spend time alone in my flat and even went on a date.  I am not broken from the relationship, I have just been knocked.  It has knocked my confiedence and I find myself questionning what was wrong with me (am I not pretty enough, am I too skinny, was I really that boring…) but in reality I am fine, I am me and I cannot change that to try in order keep a broken relationship together.

It would have been easy to have finished Uni or my TC and moved back to Norfolk to set up a life with Mike.  Maybe we would have a house by now and be settled but that was never who I was and I honestly don’t believe it is who is he.  He needs to see the world and I need to focus on my career.  As he keeps telling me ‘these things happen’ and he is right.

For now, I am going to enjoy this time in my life where I am alone. I am slowly approaching 30 and most people don’t have these years to discover who they are. I am going to work hard to make my career a success… I didn’t push myself through Uni, Law School, hundreds of TC applications to just give up now. I am going to focus on friends, friends which maybe I have neglected a bit over the past 4 years, friends who understand what it is like to be me. I am going to meet people, people with different interests than mine to grow my understanding and my mind, I am going to read to broaden my horizons and I will travel.  I may not have the same aspirations to see the world as Mike but I want to see it in my own way.

Things are hard at the moment and I cannot pretend that I don’t find myself alone crying sometimes, but I know things will get better. Mike & I didn’t work as a couple but I hope one day, we will be friends, best friends.  We have so much in common and I love him so much that I cannot imagine my whole life without him.  I am gratful for all he taught me, and it was a lot.  I would not have coped this well in this situation 4 years ago.  He made the move to London easier and encouraged every aspect of my life, for which I am forever greatful.

Love, Minnie x


[Review] Friction Free Shaving

I am so lazy when it comes to buying razors and I always have been.  I also find them so expensive that I only buy them when really needed and use the same one until it is completely blunt.  My legs get so sensitive too so I was sure that I wasn’t doing myself any good.  I then saw an advert pop up on Facebook for Friction Free Shaving and I was interested straight away.

What they claim:

Friction Free Shaving is the first razor delivery service designed exclusively for women. We’re on a mission to make it cleaner, easier and cheaper for you to shave your legs, underarms and any other areas. You sign up and we send you a chic handle, then fresh blades every month meaning you can stay smooth for longer, all for just a few pounds a month.

This means that for the price of £9.00 per month they will deliver to your door a razor and then four replacement blades each month.  The idea is that you change your razor blade weekly.  They have a little rhyme on the packaging which says Sunday but I change mine on a Wednesday as this is when it was delivered and I was keen to give it ago.  The blades slot on to the razor really easily and there is not that struggle with getting into awkward packaging and breaking a nail.  I have been good so far as I have not been tempted to use a blade for longer than a week which means although my legs are still sensitive after shaving – they are getting better.


  • You don’t have to go to shop to buy razors as these are delivered direct to your door
  • The packaging is good as it fits through the letterbox
  • It is better for you as you can change the blades weekly without leaving them to get dirty
  • The razor is so cute
  • You can stop or pause the subscription at any time
  • The blades are really good quality


  • It is a monthly direct debit and as someone who is in the process of arranging a mortgage, I am trying to limit these as much as possible
  • You can pick up 4 razors for less than £9.00 per month if you are on a budget

Have you tried these yet?

Love, Minnie x